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You won’t fight for your happiness and now you’re gonna get what you richly deserve.’ She moans in despair, ‘I love him.’ Jane’s face twists with grief, it’s like looking into an open wound. Powerful wracking sobs shake the bed, giving voice to her agony. It’s painful to watch, but I can’t look away. In anger I carefully dug up the source of her anguish and now in penance, I need to watch every moment. I was pitifully ignorant of the depth of her pain. I’ve never understood Jane’s kind of courage. I’ve done activities, for fun, that could freeze other men in terror, but Jane shames me. She gave her heart to the whims and weaknesses of another. How could she do such a thing? How could she risk so much? How could she give something so precious to his care? I envy her, her daunting courage and I wonder, had she given her heart to me, if I could keep such a gift cherished and safe. Watching her suffer, it appears as deceptively easy as breathing. A powerful wave of tenderness washes. Gemma took my up to her room and said ‘Look, I like this boy and he likes me. Okay he’s not my boyfriend, we mess around and have some fun. You know, we do things with each other. Tonight we’re meeting up with two of his friends. I’m sure they’ll like you. It’s time you had some fun, like adults do’. Well I was up for that. I was nervous, but I knew I wanted to have some sexual experiences and the time was right. It was about the time that I was feeling sexually aroused a lot but I was bored with frigging myself off and I wanted to discover what a man could do for me.Gemma looked at what I was wearing and said ‘You have got to wear something sexier than that! We’re about the same size. Let me find you something sexy to wear’. My mother really controlled the clothes I bought but Gemma’s mother would let her buy whatever she wanted.After a bit of trying on clothes, Gemma persuaded me to wear - well, I’ve never shown so much flesh in my life, but it was a little cropped-top, a tiny.
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